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Advertising, Miscellaneous

Spam Code Cracked

01.09.09 | Comment?

Somehow one of my e-mail addresses ended up on a spam list for AMAZING MONEY MAKING OPPORTUNITIES. Now almost daily I’m told that Generating CASH Should Be This Easy!!! The other day I accidentally opened one and I finally figured out what these offers are really about. Prostitution! Let’s break it down.

Get Paid Instantly Working at Home!

Well duh! How many prostitutes take rain checks? Anyway, it sounds better than Get Paid Instantly Working Behind a Dumpster!

Now you can receive thousands of dollars per week (in cash) right to your door.

While it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that prostitutes were taking credit cards these days, I think my theory still holds up. I’d think you have to develop a high-end clientel to pull in that kind of dough, though.

With this program there are:
* NO products or inventory to keep track of

Exactly!

* N0 selling to friends and family

Because that would just be weird.

* NO explaining or talking to anyone

Because that’s what a pimp is for.

* NO monthly quotas to meet

Just nightly ones.

* NO uplines or downlines

Another sign of getting old is losing track of all the uphanisms. I’m not sure what it means to do an upline or downline, but I’m sure someone out there feels reassured knowing that they don’t  have to do it.

* NO convincing people to join

Again, that’s the pimp’s job.

* NO 3-way calls to advisors or sponsors

This one took some consideration, but I’d hazard a guess that it’s because they text one another instead.

* NO STRESS

That’s a hard thing to guarantee.

* NO B. S.

Except for this e-mail.

Incidentally, I’ve probably just killed my search rankings by including all this spam lingo on my blog. The things I do for you…

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