Some of you know that I’m a big fan of B movies. That’s why I wasn’t terribly worried when I put Matthew Blackheart: Monster Smasher in my Netflix queue. I figured either it would be a cool, under-appreciated monster flick, or a fun, cheesy movie. Unfortunately, within the first 5 minutes I realized it was neither. It was just bad. Rob Bogue as the title character seemed to be trying hard to channel Bruce Campbell, but didn’t. In fact, the thin plot might have been excusable if any of the actors could actually, you know, act. The violence in this movie was mostly off screen, there was no cursing, and there was no nudity–which makes the MPAA rating of R on IMDB completely a mystery. In other words, there weren’t even any extraneous qualities one might have considered redeeming.
The same weekend, I noticed that my Tivo had picked up the pilot episode for the new Flash Gorden series. This came as a big surprise, since my understanding was that FG is a Sci-Fi Channel series and we don’t get that channel. However, due to byzantine studio agreements it appears that Flash also appeared on the USA Network a week (or less?) after its premier on the Sci-Fi Channel. Flash Gorden is of course a show with a strong heritage of pulpy goodness (and not in an citrus juice sort of way). This show was also something of a disappointment, ironically because it wasn’t cheesy enough. As much as the 1980s movie was panned by critics, I was kinda hoping for more of that kind of vibe. A Queen soundtrack wouldn’t have hurt. Assuming it keeps playing on USA Network, I’ll give it a few more episodes to see if it gets any better. However, I’m not holding my breath.
One thing I noticed in common with both of these shows, and actually many low-budget productions, is improper lighting. Nothing says “cheap production” more than lighting that is too hot for the surroundings. Characters who have a golden glow in a supposedly neutral environment just scream “halogen lamp”. When I see a scene that’s lit too hot, I start imagining the lights on stands around the camera instead of the scene that the actors are trying to convince me is real. The moral of the story is, if you’re thinking about producing a movie or tv show, don’t put your teenage kid in charge of lighting. Get someone who knows what the heck he’s doing, and use that tv-looking thing connected to the camera that you’re supposed to be using to see what the camera sees. It’s called a monitor because you’re supposed to be monitoring it!
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